请帮忙批改一篇托福独立作文Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.Across the world many sports have their own characteristics,but many of these sports have similar attributes.Entertaining is one o

2019-04-18

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请帮忙批改一篇托福独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.
Across the world many sports have their own characteristics,but many of these sports have similar attributes.Entertaining is one of the attributes that people can relax and decrease stress.Besides entertaining,more important is playing sports can teach us how to work as a team,and how to win and make choice in our life.
To begin with,playing sports can teach us how to cooperate with others.Some sports need to build a team.In the team,our heart must hold together so that we can beat other teams and in the process,we learn to cooperate.In the case of basketball,a basketball team consists of many people.In a match,if everyone just used their own methods and not think about others they must the loser.They just use one method that they think out together and cooperate with others in the team they can win the match.So playing sports teaches us the lesson of cooperation.
Besides,we learn persistence in the process.Not all sports we can finish in a short time.For instance,the marathon is one sport which needs a long time and strong perseverance.A marathon is a long distance race and only by finishing this long distance we can win.It is impossible for a person who lacks perseverance to run the complete distance.Even if you are so tired and there remains just one meter which you did not finish you also failed.So during the marathon,as long as we insist on running completing the total distance can we win,even if sometimes we are so tired that we want to give up.This is another lesson that we learn from playing sports.
Finally,playing sports can teach us how to choose the thing that is proper us to do.Sometimes,choosing a job is like playing sports.We have to choose the job that is within the range of our ability.Playing sports is like this,such as a short distance race requires a person who is healthy and no heart disease.A cardiac patient needs to choose other sports which have no effects on his heart to keep fit.So in the process of choosing sports to keep fit we can learn how to choose the thing which is suitable for us.
All in all,playing sports is beneficial thing.It teaches us how to cooperate with others and how to adhere to do anything.Most important is that it teaches us how to choose in our life which helps us to adapt to life better.So we must to play sports in our daily life because it is a good teacher for our life.
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Across the world many sports have their own characteristics,but many of these sports have similar attributes.Entertaining is one of the attributes that people can relax and decrease stress.Besides entertaining,more important is playing sports can teach us how to work as a team,and how to win and make choice in our life.首先第一段开头就不是很好,完全看不出来你在回答题目的问题,可以更直接些说sports teach了人们什么事情.比如说：I totally agree with the statement that .说自己认为sports教会人们很多很多的事情.最后说咱就说几点最重要的方面,然后列出来这几点.
接下来,就可以展开说明了.第二段,论点不错,但是英语水平可以看出来,基础不扎实,表达不准确,咱是中国人,看懂你想说啥了.改卷老师就困难了.语法啊,还是有不少错误的,感觉每句话都有～
第三段,语法啊.我给你稍微改下吧：Besides,we learn to be persistent by playing sports.(不给你改动句子了.)第二句要倒装啊～否定的放在前面嘛～not all sports can we finish in a short time.还有only by finishing this long distance we can win.也要倒装的,can we win.后面还有语法错误我就不一一指出来了～
第四段,这我只想说一点错误,其他的前面都有说过,你是在说sports,所以最好改成：sometime,playing sports is like choosing a job.是拿choosing a job 来比较sports的～想一下,别饶晕了·～
总的来说,语法错误真的不少,这样的文章分数我不用说了,直接看OG就可以自己判断出来了的·～感觉,好像是高中生的作文,如果是高中生的话～那恭喜楼主～思维不错,已经有了写托福作文的思路了～平时注重下语法～
语法如果都不对的话,老师是肯定看不懂的～这不是平时生活中哦～ Across the world many sports have their own characteristics,but many of these sports have similar attributes.Entertaining is one of the attributes that people can relax and decrease stress.Besides entertaining,more important is playing sports can teach us how to work as a team,and how to win and make choice in our life.首先第一段开头就不是很好,完全看不出来你在回答题目的问题,可以更直接些说sports teach了人们什么事情.比如说：I totally agree with the statement that .说自己认为sports教会人们很多很多的事情.最后说咱就说几点最重要的方面,然后列出来这几点.
接下来,就可以展开说明了.第二段,论点不错,但是英语水平可以看出来,基础不扎实,表达不准确,咱是中国人,看懂你想说啥了.改卷老师就困难了.语法啊,还是有不少错误的,感觉每句话都有～
第三段,语法啊.我给你稍微改下吧：Besides,we learn to be persistent by playing sports.(不给你改动句子了.)第二句要倒装啊～否定的放在前面嘛～not all sports can we finish in a short time.还有only by finishing this long distance we can win.也要倒装的,can we win.后面还有语法错误我就不一一指出来了～
第四段,这我只想说一点错误,其他的前面都有说过,你是在说sports,所以最好改成：sometime,playing sports is like choosing a job.是拿choosing a job 来比较sports的～想一下,别饶晕了·～
总的来说,语法错误真的不少,这样的文章分数我不用说了,直接看OG就可以自己判断出来了的·～感觉,好像是高中生的作文,如果是高中生的话～那恭喜楼主～思维不错,已经有了写托福作文的思路了～平时注重下语法～
语法如果都不对的话,老师是肯定看不懂的～这不是平时生活中哦～