谁能帮我评一下托福作文,There are a lot of issues about if governments spend money on public transportation or highways.As far as I'm concerned,I think governments should spend more money for public transportation because it can avoid air pollution,reduce traffic jam

2019-04-18

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谁能帮我评一下托福作文,
There are a lot of issues about if governments spend money on public transportation or highways.As far as I'm concerned,I think governments should spend more money for public transportation because it can avoid air pollution,reduce traffic jam and save our money.
A large amount of investment on public transportation such as bus or subway can avoid air pollution.As everyone knows that,the carbon monoxide which was brought from automobile is very harmful not only for human but also for animals and plants.Nowadays,people is being aware of environment because it is really getting worse.Thus,if government spend money on public transportation,it will make people take a bus or subway instead of driving a car,and it can reduce carbon monoxide in the air and avoid the air pollution.
If government spend money on improving public transportation,it also can reduce traffic jam.Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.It is the worst thing that being blocked in the middle of the way to work.It cost lots of times and also may cause some more accidents.In these reasons,the public transportation is very important.Thanks to the improved public transportation,more people would by bus or subway to go to work and it would reduce traffic jam.
Through governments' investment to the public transportation,the ticket for public transportation may being cheaper.Take Beijing for example.When Beijing was holding olympic games,in order to make more people use public transportation,government improved public transportation and reduced the price of tickets for the bus and subways.I felt happy at that time because I could take bus for lower price.In my opinion,if the government invest more money to the public transportation and reduce its fee,it may help many poor people and students save money.
As I listed before,I think governments should spend money on improving public transportation rather than on highways because the improved public transportation can bring us less air pollution,reduced traffic jam and saving money.
水平差,别笑话我昂.
哪位大侠能帮我随便估算一下分数呀.谢啦.

优质解答

不知道上面两位仁兄是怎么给出这个评价的,我11月底刚考完托福,写作25,综合和独立都是GOOD.
单就你这篇独立来说,最多最多是个fair(2.5-3.5),如果你的综合写作能得满分,有那么一点可能上到25,如果综合你得不了满分,那写作部分分数不会高.
原因：
1.我只看了前面一点,结构方面的问题不多说,但是就这一点里已经有不少错误了.想得高分,一定要注意细节.ETS的确是允许有一些错误的,但是那些错误一般是由于临考时的笔误或者偶有不慎的语法问题.
举个例子：spend more money for public transportation
你在哪里看到过 spend …… for …… 的用法吗?spend搭配on或in是固定的,你用个for,句意大家都明白,但是会显得你的语言运用非常随意,没有规矩.而且短短第一段里连用两个spend,难道你没有其他同义词可用?那你的语言积累是在不够.
再说一个地方：
Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.
后边的it指代谁?automobiles?那为什么忽然变单数了?如果把 and it 改成 which ,既改正了错误,语法又显得更高级一些,但是你没有这样用,说明你还完全没有这样的意识.
类似的错误在你的文章里很多,这些错误过于低级,是因为在写作过程中不求甚解不顾细节造成的,态度问题.
2.缺乏较复杂的语法运用.前两天刚有一个共同备考托福的网友问我他的独立写作感觉很不错为什么才得了fair.他写了450字左右,我以前也看过他写的东西,句子通顺,很少有明显的语法错误,但是他很少使用虚拟、倒装这些东西.你想想,字数400左右、句子通顺、结构完整、有论点有细节,这些都是最基本的要求,大家都能做到.如果别人同时还运用了很多复杂的句子结构而你没有使用,你怎么可能拿到高分?
一篇文章里,强调句、倒装句、虚拟语气、the more the more 句型、并列结构、比较关系这些都应该有所包含,比如倒装句,用习惯了是很简单的,我现在写一篇文章很自然的可以用到五六处倒装.有人说现实生活里根本没人这么说话写文章,这都是废话,你这是现实生活吗?你这是托福考试.看看GRE,一个长句子能有四五十个字,所有能省略的结构全都省略了,ETS组织一大帮老师坐在一起研究怎么把N句话合并成一句,有正常人会那么说话吗?但是考试里就会有.
关于语法,我建议你看看这个叫英语语法网的网站.你要是觉得我在做广告,那你就别看：
说的比较直,良药苦口不知道上面两位仁兄是怎么给出这个评价的,我11月底刚考完托福,写作25,综合和独立都是GOOD.
单就你这篇独立来说,最多最多是个fair(2.5-3.5),如果你的综合写作能得满分,有那么一点可能上到25,如果综合你得不了满分,那写作部分分数不会高.
原因：
1.我只看了前面一点,结构方面的问题不多说,但是就这一点里已经有不少错误了.想得高分,一定要注意细节.ETS的确是允许有一些错误的,但是那些错误一般是由于临考时的笔误或者偶有不慎的语法问题.
举个例子：spend more money for public transportation
你在哪里看到过 spend …… for …… 的用法吗?spend搭配on或in是固定的,你用个for,句意大家都明白,但是会显得你的语言运用非常随意,没有规矩.而且短短第一段里连用两个spend,难道你没有其他同义词可用?那你的语言积累是在不够.
再说一个地方：
Nowadays,automobiles are rampant everywhere,and it causes serious traffic jam in the busy hours.
后边的it指代谁?automobiles?那为什么忽然变单数了?如果把 and it 改成 which ,既改正了错误,语法又显得更高级一些,但是你没有这样用,说明你还完全没有这样的意识.
类似的错误在你的文章里很多,这些错误过于低级,是因为在写作过程中不求甚解不顾细节造成的,态度问题.
2.缺乏较复杂的语法运用.前两天刚有一个共同备考托福的网友问我他的独立写作感觉很不错为什么才得了fair.他写了450字左右,我以前也看过他写的东西,句子通顺,很少有明显的语法错误,但是他很少使用虚拟、倒装这些东西.你想想,字数400左右、句子通顺、结构完整、有论点有细节,这些都是最基本的要求,大家都能做到.如果别人同时还运用了很多复杂的句子结构而你没有使用,你怎么可能拿到高分?
一篇文章里,强调句、倒装句、虚拟语气、the more the more 句型、并列结构、比较关系这些都应该有所包含,比如倒装句,用习惯了是很简单的,我现在写一篇文章很自然的可以用到五六处倒装.有人说现实生活里根本没人这么说话写文章,这都是废话,你这是现实生活吗?你这是托福考试.看看GRE,一个长句子能有四五十个字,所有能省略的结构全都省略了,ETS组织一大帮老师坐在一起研究怎么把N句话合并成一句,有正常人会那么说话吗?但是考试里就会有.
关于语法,我建议你看看这个叫英语语法网的网站.你要是觉得我在做广告,那你就别看：
说的比较直,良药苦口