优质解答
1.第一段秀语言是好事,但不必过度,会导致阅卷人阅读困难.建议长短句结合.
2.第二段“As diversity is becoming a more indispensable component of universities and college, sports and social activities are more crucial parts of the high-quality education""成为一个更加必不可少的成分”可以,但后面的“more"翻译不通啊
3.第二段”It’s hard to judge a person according to whose academic achievement.“这一句从句部分不完整.要么It is hard to judge a person according to his/her academic achievement,要么It is hard to judge a person according to whose academic achievement is.第二种说法本身也有问题,“根据的是谁的学业怎么样”翻译不恰当.所以建议你用第一种.
4.pay more attention to后面要加动名词,这里“to"是介词.pay more attention to bringing up...
5.If they didn’t see sports and social activities as indispensable components, they would be less attractive to excellent students.主语”they"与前指代的内容单复数不一致.应该是如果学校不把...但你前面提到的学校是单数
6.第三段“devote ...into..." ; be lack of ability "of" keeping balance "among". ;
7.第四段第一句"due to"后面是不能跟句子的,用”because“
8.Admittedly后面要加逗号
9.the expense for."is" crucial
10. Admittedly the expense for classes and libraries are crucial, but more financial support for sports and social activities is also necessary for the reason that it will enhance the awareness of students to take part in more activities besides to study.后面的部分强行使用从句非常糟糕.建议分成几个简单句.The expense for classes and libraries is crucial. So is the financial support for sports and activities. As a result, besides study, the awareness of taking part in those sports and activities enhance a lot.
11.托福写作的分论点要求 观点+原因+例子.你的分论点互相交织,不清晰.你的文章过分阐述,没有任何细节例证
12.托福写作的结尾要求 总结分论点+期盼.你的重述分论点不完整.
13.文中的“more"用得太多,换别的,如the increasing number of..
14.注意段落间的衔接.多用过渡词,如first and foremost,in addition, furthermore, what is more
15.文章努力用难句,长句,语法表现出你积极向上的一面,但要基于基础,不要随意造句,生涩的用从句+从句的方式.尽量用自己读到过的句子
1.第一段秀语言是好事,但不必过度,会导致阅卷人阅读困难.建议长短句结合.
2.第二段“As diversity is becoming a more indispensable component of universities and college, sports and social activities are more crucial parts of the high-quality education""成为一个更加必不可少的成分”可以,但后面的“more"翻译不通啊
3.第二段”It’s hard to judge a person according to whose academic achievement.“这一句从句部分不完整.要么It is hard to judge a person according to his/her academic achievement,要么It is hard to judge a person according to whose academic achievement is.第二种说法本身也有问题,“根据的是谁的学业怎么样”翻译不恰当.所以建议你用第一种.
4.pay more attention to后面要加动名词,这里“to"是介词.pay more attention to bringing up...
5.If they didn’t see sports and social activities as indispensable components, they would be less attractive to excellent students.主语”they"与前指代的内容单复数不一致.应该是如果学校不把...但你前面提到的学校是单数
6.第三段“devote ...into..." ; be lack of ability "of" keeping balance "among". ;
7.第四段第一句"due to"后面是不能跟句子的,用”because“
8.Admittedly后面要加逗号
9.the expense for."is" crucial
10. Admittedly the expense for classes and libraries are crucial, but more financial support for sports and social activities is also necessary for the reason that it will enhance the awareness of students to take part in more activities besides to study.后面的部分强行使用从句非常糟糕.建议分成几个简单句.The expense for classes and libraries is crucial. So is the financial support for sports and activities. As a result, besides study, the awareness of taking part in those sports and activities enhance a lot.
11.托福写作的分论点要求 观点+原因+例子.你的分论点互相交织,不清晰.你的文章过分阐述,没有任何细节例证
12.托福写作的结尾要求 总结分论点+期盼.你的重述分论点不完整.
13.文中的“more"用得太多,换别的,如the increasing number of..
14.注意段落间的衔接.多用过渡词,如first and foremost,in addition, furthermore, what is more
15.文章努力用难句,长句,语法表现出你积极向上的一面,但要基于基础,不要随意造句,生涩的用从句+从句的方式.尽量用自己读到过的句子