第一段：important*2,old*2,different*2
The issue of whether it is more important to keep your （close） friends than () to make new friends is a popular(...有更好的词?) question today.Many people argue that keeping old friends is (不要MORE) essential and necessary,but other people have different idea.To my way of thinking,I prefer to make new friends rather than keep old friends.(最后一句不用了,谁都知道下面是原因).
第二段：
To begin with,I think making new friends can promote us to learn more about the tradition of other places.As we all know,our friends come from （不要different!） places around the world,the result is that they may accept varied culture,which is different from ours.Consequently,new friends can help improving our knowledge from all over the world.For example,I have a French friend and(这里可以缩起来) always send e-mail to him.In his(他的) e-mail,he shares(三人称) the knowledge of France with me.It is really refreshed(后面是EXCITED) and excited for me to get the information.Also,it promotes me to learn more knowledge(加上比较好） about the culture of other places.（可以用cultural diversity代替)
In addition,compared with keeping old friend,I think making new friends can expand our interpersonal (or social) relationship.(人际关系圈,那像中式英文) That means we may have more opportunities（复数） than others.As we all know,to live in the human society,we need more chances to achieve our goals/to be successful(需要机会干嘛?补半句).It is important for us to get more opportunities,so it means we need newer(是newer) friends to help us.For example,my father has made a big success in his job.One of the major reasons is that he made a lot of new friends and most of them are successful and willing to help him.As the result,they help my father to climb to the summit!
第三段：我感觉最好不要这么写,你要写NEW FRIEND就继续找论点写,用contra的话不太好.你可以写：认识新朋友可以增加你认识人的能力,或者说,认识更多的朋友可以更加明白自己的优缺点从而改善自己之类的.你想想如果用中文怎么吹,英语也是一样的.
In conclusion,I would like to(是would like to) make new friends rather than keep old friends.Making new friends can bring more benefits to us.It can broaden your view of different culture,expand our interpersonal relationship and(control the key to succeed 我自己加的,看你第三段怎么写） So I agreed the importance to make new friends.
总结：我不知道托福怎么评分,文章总体没有语法错误,大概是这么多.
句式,语感,大意,句子长度 都挺算不错,但是redundancy比较严重,N个次重复的比较厉害.还有的地方说不上来但感觉还行.
个人感觉啊,像 important/different之类的,换些同义词比较好.
一般最好一段不要重复那些形容词2,3次 第一段：important*2,old*2,different*2
The issue of whether it is more important to keep your （close） friends than () to make new friends is a popular(...有更好的词?) question today.Many people argue that keeping old friends is (不要MORE) essential and necessary,but other people have different idea.To my way of thinking,I prefer to make new friends rather than keep old friends.(最后一句不用了,谁都知道下面是原因).
第二段：
To begin with,I think making new friends can promote us to learn more about the tradition of other places.As we all know,our friends come from （不要different!） places around the world,the result is that they may accept varied culture,which is different from ours.Consequently,new friends can help improving our knowledge from all over the world.For example,I have a French friend and(这里可以缩起来) always send e-mail to him.In his(他的) e-mail,he shares(三人称) the knowledge of France with me.It is really refreshed(后面是EXCITED) and excited for me to get the information.Also,it promotes me to learn more knowledge(加上比较好） about the culture of other places.（可以用cultural diversity代替)
In addition,compared with keeping old friend,I think making new friends can expand our interpersonal (or social) relationship.(人际关系圈,那像中式英文) That means we may have more opportunities（复数） than others.As we all know,to live in the human society,we need more chances to achieve our goals/to be successful(需要机会干嘛?补半句).It is important for us to get more opportunities,so it means we need newer(是newer) friends to help us.For example,my father has made a big success in his job.One of the major reasons is that he made a lot of new friends and most of them are successful and willing to help him.As the result,they help my father to climb to the summit!
第三段：我感觉最好不要这么写,你要写NEW FRIEND就继续找论点写,用contra的话不太好.你可以写：认识新朋友可以增加你认识人的能力,或者说,认识更多的朋友可以更加明白自己的优缺点从而改善自己之类的.你想想如果用中文怎么吹,英语也是一样的.
In conclusion,I would like to(是would like to) make new friends rather than keep old friends.Making new friends can bring more benefits to us.It can broaden your view of different culture,expand our interpersonal relationship and(control the key to succeed 我自己加的,看你第三段怎么写） So I agreed the importance to make new friends.
总结：我不知道托福怎么评分,文章总体没有语法错误,大概是这么多.
句式,语感,大意,句子长度 都挺算不错,但是redundancy比较严重,N个次重复的比较厉害.还有的地方说不上来但感觉还行.
个人感觉啊,像 important/different之类的,换些同义词比较好.
一般最好一段不要重复那些形容词2,3次