我09年10月考的,TOEFL写作28,我尽量帮你提意见吧,
也不是很专业.改动的地方用大写标出
Have you ever been impressed by such AN amazing scenery ON a travel advertisement that you MAKES eager to verify yourself?Have you ever realized the (new) government’s NEW policy without any difficultIES through a advertisement?Have you ever found out SUCH AN advanced laptop that you CANNOT WAIT to purchase?
As you may recall such experiences,you would comprehend how abundantLY advertisementS could tell you about a country.It is necessary to put advertisementS into two separate categories:public interest advertisementS and commercial ones.Both of them are windows to reveal the spirit of A nation,and show development of THE country.
Public interest AdvertisementS,sponsored by government or public institution(,) as the most effective way to spread nation’s thought.We can realize new policy ,national big event and social snapshot from advertisement WHICH ARE all ESSENTIAL for us .for example in 2008.more than 80 percent of advertisements' theme have shifted to the Olympic .THE SLOGAN OF Olympic games WAS INTRODUCED and broadcastED all over the country via radio television and even the internet .By watching them,you wOULD (probably) know that Chinese WOULD SOON hold this event perfectly.
Compared with public interest advertisement,the large number of distinctive commercial advertisementS provide the audience more vivid and exact IDEAS of what’s happening in the country On the one hand ,it can inform you the current new productS,from KFC’s new fried chicken to Nike’s new sneaker,from updated mobile phone to the LATEST SUV.On the other hand ,from commercial advertisementS ,we can find out how fast the economic technology and scienCE (of nation) ARE developing (at) nowAdays It’s THE most effective way to discover a country.
Admittedly,the country’s information that we can learn from advertisementS is limited.they just continued within two to three minutes,a few words and pictures could be remember in our mind However,advertising is the most effective way to tell you a nation’s spirit and development’ step,I therefore believe advertisement can tell you a lot about a country
以上是简单的句意&语法修改,
写作建议：
1.注意格式,段落前要空行,一句话说完即应该使用句号.
2.论据使用过杂,分析较少,开头结尾要完整,尽量规矩,把观点鲜明地表现出来即可
3.可以增加反向论证
4.建议你多看看范文,了解托夫写作的思路,你现在写的不错就是不大像托夫作文,多看几片就知道怎么写了 我09年10月考的,TOEFL写作28,我尽量帮你提意见吧,
也不是很专业.改动的地方用大写标出
Have you ever been impressed by such AN amazing scenery ON a travel advertisement that you MAKES eager to verify yourself?Have you ever realized the (new) government’s NEW policy without any difficultIES through a advertisement?Have you ever found out SUCH AN advanced laptop that you CANNOT WAIT to purchase?
As you may recall such experiences,you would comprehend how abundantLY advertisementS could tell you about a country.It is necessary to put advertisementS into two separate categories:public interest advertisementS and commercial ones.Both of them are windows to reveal the spirit of A nation,and show development of THE country.
Public interest AdvertisementS,sponsored by government or public institution(,) as the most effective way to spread nation’s thought.We can realize new policy ,national big event and social snapshot from advertisement WHICH ARE all ESSENTIAL for us .for example in 2008.more than 80 percent of advertisements' theme have shifted to the Olympic .THE SLOGAN OF Olympic games WAS INTRODUCED and broadcastED all over the country via radio television and even the internet .By watching them,you wOULD (probably) know that Chinese WOULD SOON hold this event perfectly.
Compared with public interest advertisement,the large number of distinctive commercial advertisementS provide the audience more vivid and exact IDEAS of what’s happening in the country On the one hand ,it can inform you the current new productS,from KFC’s new fried chicken to Nike’s new sneaker,from updated mobile phone to the LATEST SUV.On the other hand ,from commercial advertisementS ,we can find out how fast the economic technology and scienCE (of nation) ARE developing (at) nowAdays It’s THE most effective way to discover a country.
Admittedly,the country’s information that we can learn from advertisementS is limited.they just continued within two to three minutes,a few words and pictures could be remember in our mind However,advertising is the most effective way to tell you a nation’s spirit and development’ step,I therefore believe advertisement can tell you a lot about a country
以上是简单的句意&语法修改,
写作建议：
1.注意格式,段落前要空行,一句话说完即应该使用句号.
2.论据使用过杂,分析较少,开头结尾要完整,尽量规矩,把观点鲜明地表现出来即可
3.可以增加反向论证
4.建议你多看看范文,了解托夫写作的思路,你现在写的不错就是不大像托夫作文,多看几片就知道怎么写了